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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, by Franklin Veaux, Eve Rickert
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Can you love more than one person? Have multiple romantic partners, without jealousy or cheating? Absolutely! Polyamorous people have been paving the way, through trial and painful error. Now the new book More Than Two can help you find your own way. With completely new material and a fresh approach, Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert wrote More Than Two to expand on and update the themes and ideas in the wildly popular polyamory website morethantwo.com.
From Ancient Greece through the many dynasties of China to current practices of non-monogamy, people have openly engaged in multiple intimate relationships. Not until the late 20th century, however, was a word coined that encapsulated the practice, as well as its philosophies, edicts and ethics: polyamory (poly = many + amore = love).
For Franklin Veaux, who has been polyamorous for his entire adult life, the emerging framework and subsequent vocabulary for his lifestyle was a light in the dark. Candidly sharing his experiences and thoughts online catapulted his website morethantwo.com, among the first dedicated to the poly lifestyle, to one of the top-ranking on the subject.
In recent years, as more people have discovered polyamory as a legitimate and desirable option for how they conduct their relationships, Franklin and one of his partners, Eve Rickert, saw that there was a growing need for a comprehensive guide to the lifestyle. More Than Two is that guide.
This wide-ranging resource explores the often-complex world of living polyamorously: the nuances (no, this isn't swinging), the relationship options (do you suit a V, an N, an open network?), the myths (don't count on wild orgies and endless sex but don't rule them out either!) and the expectations (communication, transparency and trust are paramount). More Than Two is entirely without judgment and peppered with a good dose of humor. In it the authors share not only their hard-won philosophies about polyamory, but also their hurts and embarrassments. Living poly is not always an easy road, and they hope that by reading this book, you'll avoid some of the mistakes they've made along the way.
Challenging the notion of what society considers a healthy and successful relationship, they offer up personal stories from their own lives as well as of those in the wider poly world, emphasizing that this lifestyle choice isn't for the noncommittal. Polyamory is all about the relationships and the individuals participating. Charting a Relationship Bill of Rights, the authors underscore the importance of engaging in ethical polyamory and guide readers through the thorny issues of jealousy and insecurity with the aim of encouraging readers to work consistently and conscientiously on both their relationships and themselves.
And no, they're not trying to convert you: they know that polyamory isn't for everyone. Veaux and Rickert simply provide those who might be embarking on this lifestyle or those who have always known they are poly with a set of tools and many questions to help them make informed decisions and set them on a path to enjoying multiple happy, strong, enriching relationships.
More Than Two is the book the polyamory community has been waiting for. And who knows? It may just be the book you didn't even know you were waiting for.
- Sales Rank: #7939 in Books
- Published on: 2014-09-01
- Released on: 2014-09-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x 1.25" w x 6.00" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 496 pages
Review
“Franklin and Eve's new groundbreaking book is a must-read deep dive into the psychology, morality, and practicalities of non-monogamy done well. Buy two copies - one for yourself and one for that friend who is going to insist on borrowing it.” — Pepper Mint, sex educator and polyamory activist
“This book is going to be an Event. It will immediately rank right at the top of the 36 nonfiction books about polyamory published in the last 30 years.” —Polyamory in the News
“Dossie and I have been described as big sisters (if your big sister is a slutty kinky aging hippie); Franklin and Eve are more like wise neighbors think of the guy on the other side of the fence on Home Improvement, calm and wise and funny. Dossie and I write primarily about the sexual aspects of poly; Franklin and Eve are more interested in the day-to-day living part. Dossie and I like to indulge ourselves, just a little, in high-flown realms of abstraction and idealism; Franklin and Eve like to keep their feet on the ground.” — Janet Hardy, co-author of The Ethical Slut
“If you’ve never read any books on polyamory, this one should be your first. And even if you’ve read every book on polyamory, read this one now.” — Aggie Sez, Solopoly
"Friends, this one makes you think. Any any book that encourages you to think clearly about emotionally charged subjects like romantic relationships can only be a positive." — Noël Lynne Figart, The Polyamorous Misanthrope
"As the unchartered map of open relationships takes another bound forward in its clarity with the new book More Than Two by Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert, many worthy ideas and concepts are brought to the fore." — Louisa Leontiades, author of The Husband Swap
"This book is fantastic, and has the potential to be revolutionary. I have been waiting for a book that I could confidently tell people contains the collective wisdom of the poly community. This is that book." — Wes Fenza, Living Within Reason
“This book changed the way that I think about relationships. All relationships, not just poly. I have spent the last two days lost in thought, re-evaluating a lot of my own choices and beliefs. And that’s good. That’s what a great book like this should do.” — XCBDSM
About the Author
Franklin Veaux has been ideologically polyamorous his entire life, functionally polyamorous since 1984, and writing about polyamory since 1998. Monogamy has never made much sense to him. (When he heard a fairy tale about a princess forced to choose between two handsome princes, he thought everyone knows princesses live in castles And castles are big enough for both princes. So why does she have to choose? )
He started practicing non-monogamy from the moment he started becoming aware that boys and girls are different. Along the way, he's made just about every mistake it s possible to make in polyamorous relationships. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment.
Today, he has five partners, lives in Portland, Oregon, and spends a great deal of time writing about everything from relationship ethics to transhumanism to computer security.
Eve Rickert is a professional writer, editor and mastermind, and the co-author, with Franklin Veaux, of the newly released polyamory book More Than Two. Until taking time off from life to write the book, she co-organized a group for poly women in Vancouver, Canada and she blogs at the More Than Two website. She owns a science communications firm in Vancouver, Canada, called Talk Science to Me.
Eve has been living poly since 2008, though her poly roots go back much deeper. Her approach to poly has changed radically over the years: from early experiences in high school, to first hearing the word polyamory in 1998, to first swingers party in 2006, to her current three long-term relationships. And being poly has radically changed her. She's made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot of hard lessons. She co-wrote More Than Two to share those experiences with anyone who is struggling to maintain ethical multiple relationships with integrity, compassion and courage.
Most helpful customer reviews
43 of 50 people found the following review helpful.
The best book about polyamory I've read so far (and I have read quite a lot)
By Eve
Living in polyamorous relationships for several years myself now, I really can't praise and recommend this book enough. It touches most of the topics I found important myself and reflects on them in a thoughtful, intelligent, ethical and humorous way.
Amongst other things the book talks about different polyamorous relationship types (hierarchical and non-hierarchical relationships, mono/poly-relationships, veto-power-agreements, "opening up" from a couple, ...), nurturing of relationships, communication strategies and pitfalls, how to deal with jealousy, the difference between rules, agreements and boundaries, self-empowerment in relationships, sexual health, the everyday sides of polyamory („Sex and Laundry", polyamorous relationships and being parents, coming out as polyamorous or not, ...), et cetera.
Based on the premise not to treat people as things, the authors examine which approaches to polyamory are most promising to be able to live (polyamorous) relationships in a way that is fulfilling for everyone involved. Unlike other books, "More Than Two" does not proclaim "the one true way" to polyamory, but empowers the readers to think and decide for themselves.
The authors use personal stories and the experiences of other people to illustrate the ways that can lead to happiness in polyamorous relationships or to the contrary. Instead of being judgmental, the authors assume that people are essentially good and that "bad behavior" in relationships is often the result of fear or ignorance, not malicious intent.
"More Than Two" is down-to-earth and non-esoteric, it's written intelligently, warmheartedly and humorously. It has everything, that I have missed in other books about polyamory and just speaks from my heart. I hope it will get translated into other languages soon and that plenty of people, who are interested in polyamory, will read it and enjoy it as much as I did.
54 of 65 people found the following review helpful.
Everyone should read this book, regardless of what kind of relationship they're in or what kind they want.
By Joreth
By far, the best book on relationships out there. Notice I didn't say "poly relationships", although it is that. I said "relationships". This book is the only book I've ever read to address relationships from an ethical perspective *and to get it right*. Before we start talking about structures and finding new partners and managing conflict, we have to start with the foundation - ethical treatment of other human beings. Everything else springs from that foundation. If you don't have good ethics at the base of your relationship, then the structure doesn't matter, how many people are in the relationship doesn't matter, how or where you find new partners doesn't matter, and conflict resolution strategies don't matter - all of that can be used to create abusive, coercive, harmful, or just plain old unsuccessful relationships.
However, if you *do* have good ethics at the base of your relationships, then the structure, the relationship rules, the number of participants, etc. all flow naturally from there to what works best for the people involved. But it's not all abstract principles either. This book doesn't just discuss big philosophical issues, it gives readers a solid framework on applying those considerations in a practical way that can make a difference in our every day lives and relationships. Each chapter ends with questions that readers can use to apply the principles in that chapter to their own relationships that prevents the book from coming off as being "too preachy" and makes the authors seem as though they're really on our side in our quest to improve our lives and relationships.
Everyone should read this book, regardless of what kind of relationship they're in or what kind they want. But poly people in particular NEED this book. We have a unique opportunity to structure our community before it gets away from us. We have lessons we can learn from other communities that are plagued by abuse, discrimination, and other social ills because the communities didn't deliberately plan for ethics within the community. We can change this in our own community. We can change this in our own relationships. We can change this in our own lives. We can be the model for healthy, successful, happy relationships in our own individual partnerships and in our communities for the entire world to see. Or we can just develop healthy, successful, happy relationships for ourselves to make our lives better.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
should be required reading for every relationship
By Kristin
I've read a lot about polyamory over the years: informal interviews, family profiles, "how to" advice columns as well as talking with a number of close polyamorous friends. I doubted that a book on polyamory would have anything new to for me but after I read some of the essays at the More Than Two website I bought it and I'm glad I did.
This is a book that anyone in any romantic or intimate relationship should read. Period.
The discussion on ethics in relationships is thoughtful, principled, and regurgitates none of the often-repeated glib "rules" I've heard from online poly how-to sources; likewise the discussion on jealousy is deeply reflective. It's clear that these are ideas grown from years of learning and unflinching self-examination rather than years of repeating the same mistakes over and over. The tone assumes that readers are emotionally and intellectually mature people seeking to improve our relationships, our capacity for intimacy and our relation with ourselves. There are no easy answers or flip solutions, but there's also an undertone of compassionate reassurance that all manner of thing shall be well.
The bottom line is that this is a resource for adults willing and able to self-examine in order to have more satisfying, joyful and organic intimate relationships rather than people seeking high-school-like hierarchies and rules to ensure that no one encounters pain, doubt or jealousy.
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